Grocery shopping

OH MY......So Christmas has come and gone. I have been eating horribly for the last 3 days. I did go to the grocery store to buy groceries so I am back on track. Clean eating here I come again. Tomorrow I start the long program of Couch potato to 5k....5K!!! That is no where near I need to be for the NYC Marathon. I need to make a pact with myself that when I go to the store I don't buy one thing that is not on plan.

WHy do I still feel the need to eat oreo's and doritos.......I really just want to eat healthy and lose this weight.

I saw m ex this week. Our main problem was my weight and how much everyone talked about it to him....he never had a problem but then he began to get embarrassed. I was hoping the next time I saw him I would be at the weight I wanted to be. That didn't happen. Why? Well because I am comfortable. I need to get uncomfortable. I need to push myself to do things I don't want to do. I need to push myself to learn I can live a healthy life.

The next step in my life besides my career is marriage and children. I don't want to pass on these horrible eating habits to my children. I need to make myself get up and do it.

So to keep track I am going to write everything I eat here.

2 boiled eggs
4 lettuce wraps
1 beef chuck steak cut up
bell pepper
onion
alfalfa sprouts
very little cheese
DORITOS
3 pieces of toast
cream of turkey
cup of tea
orange juice

So wish me luck tomorrow for my new workout regimen.

BRRRRrrrrrr.....

This morning I wake up and as we all know I am renewed to lose this weight. Well last night the boyfriend calls and asks if I want to spend the night. I say great but I pack my breakfast. Him being 6'4 and in shape he can eat whatever and not gain so I need to be on my best behavior. SO I pack clothes, go in the kitchen bowl eggs. Put an apple and a persimmons in a sandwich bag. I am prepared and ready. I will be back in the morning to run in the park. WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR THE NYC MARATHON?????? Anyways my mind set was keep motivated. SO I wake up this mornign get ready to leave have to start my day while he lays abed of course. SOmetimes I wish I had a 9 to 5 then I could sleep in on a Saturday but no so I leave. As I get all the way downstairs I realized first it is freezing I am in a dress and boots and I LEFT MY BREAKFAST UPSTAIRS WITH HIM. Plans down the drain as usual.

So I take a taxi home. I get home start bowling some eggs the whole way up to my apartment I am thinking " there goes Mc Donald's, mexican burrito place......if only I could". But I can't! And why because I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy organic fruits and vegetables......so I have 2 eggs......an apple.....a cup of milk and......10 oreos...DANG IT! How did those get on my plate....LOL. Well I will jut have to make up for it. I get a phone call and have to go do an emergency haircut.....one of my clients daughters cut her hair before Christmas. Nice. An emergency in the world of my mothers work is a broken leg......I am worried about uneven bangs for christmas pics. Makes me really feel needed.

Who, what, when, where, how, and why.

So here begins. The first sentence is what we are to write about. Here goes a little about me. I am a SOuthern Belle stuck in New York......lol. I am not stuck. Loving it but not loving the men. But that is for neither here nor there. Let's allow you to get to know me before we have the talk of men.

Hello everyone. I am Amber. I was born in Texas lived there all my life till I moved to New York. I think back sometimes on how my life was and what I was supposed to be and think "Wow I am so far from what I expected". I was the A-b student that wanted to go to Law School. I graduated from High School a few weeks after 16. While in high school I played many sports. Volleyball, basketball, cheerleading, and I did drama. I grew up in the church and am slowly learning that I do love God. Not because I was told to but because I realize he is real.

Anyhow this is going to get really deep before it gets good and funny. SO grab a box off tissues for you will need one.

One day my life was turned upside down. My parents went into the city and left me at home. And truly it is because I did not want to go shopping with them and my siblings were with my granparents.....I decided to go play outside. My neighbor was out there. The one I always played with. Yes older but never mean. So we were out in the garden and where I grew up was on a farm out of the city. That day he raped me. At 12 yrs old I was raped. I became a very very depressed person. I never told my family. What happened to me happened to me and it didn't need to happen to my whole family. I never told my Dad who would have gone after this man with my uncles and I swear killed him....what was more important my family or vegeance.......My family. SO I kept a secret and still do. I don't know when I realized from that rape I had become pregnant. I did realize at one point and did the most horrible things to my body. I stood on my head for an hour. I stuck a sharpened pencil in my body to kill this pregnancy....trust me when I say she is here because God wanted her here.

The day my parents found out I was pregnant is the day I had her. I woke up and though I had to go to the restroom when nothing happened I decided I needed to let my parents in on my suspicion.....my father took me to the hospital where they checked me out and told me I was in labor. My Father had to go take my siblings to school and my mom who is a nurse was getting off shift so she should be down in a few. Well I ended up having a baby in a room full of doctor's and nurse's that knew and loved my mother. I try not to have hard feelings but at one point a nurse said while ME a 12 yr old girl has her legs in stirups " how can you do this to your mother". Now I know I should have said "how can you say this to me and how did he do this to me". I am Pro choice people just to put that out there. Till you bear your rapist's child you can not tell me I have to.

I was different from there on out. My parents adopted her so no it really didn't change my life to much but I had to suffer. My father blames me to this day. THis makes me want to be cherished by a good man. Sooner or later you will know I am a giving and loving person but I hold back. That is why I am telling you a little about my past.....

WHOOOOOOOOOO!


Now let's get to present day.

I used to weigh 140lbs. Today I weigh 256.8. A year ago I weighed 340. I hear the wheels turning "how did you get there". I really don't know. I quit. Just didn't care. But the sad part is I still see myself as hot and great party girl that everyone wants to sleep with but can't. So I am going to start my very public journey here with you all......we will call this the last 106.8lbs. Today is the day I give you the beginning to the end.......